Kurt's going AWAY! YIPIEE!!

So kurt is going away for a trip to South America, and boy do I need it (rim shot). But what sucks is having to listen to him talk about it all the time. "They are sending me cause I'm so awesome", "I'm going to have so much fun alone"...blah blah blah. He is getting sent there by his work so it is only inflating his already HUGE ego. If they knew the Kurt I know, his work would be sending him too NICE CAMP...yeah i said it nice camp, a place to go to soften people up. Make them humble and respectful. Instead they are encouraging his attitude by rewarding him and his evil ways! I was like "Hey Kurt i hope you have a nice trip" and he goes "Yeah well I desereve this trip, I'm surprised they didn't send me sooner"

Farewell Kurt my evil buddy, hope they don't mistake you for El Diablo and try to sacrifice you Mayan style!

*by the way those are REAL people he is holding!

My mom thinks Kurt is funny!

So my mother and I were having a conversation a while back, and I cant get what she said out of my mind. Lets start from the beginning...my mother is on Facebook™ like every other 50+ year old mom is now a days. You know playing mafia wars™, taking the "which 90210 character are you?" quiz and connecting with other old people on the Internet who were told about Facebook™ from their grand kids. ANYWAYS she is "friends" with Kurt and so she gets to see his status updates. We were having a lovely conversation then she said to me "Kurt is so funny". Now normally I am a peaceful man, never been in a fight, never got close. But upon hearing my mom utter these 4 words my entire world was turned upside down. I felt faint, and I can sense the anger welling upside. I asked my mom..."what the eff did you just say?" She repeated "Kurt is funny, I like reading his status updates" at this point I let out a yell of PURE anger! I told my mom to go to hell and hung up on her. Deleted her number from my cell phone and began to look up on the Internet how you can divorce your parents! It was hard to read the monitor through all the tears I was shedding but lets just say the decision lays in the judges hands now!

How could you mom? I thought we were friends.

My mom never said I was funny....I hate you Kurt!

Facebook HATE!

So I learned today that Kurt really hates how I comment on Facebook™. I know that I am in no way shape or form a funny writer. As a matter of fact I hate trying to write funny stuff. But every once and a while I get a wild hair up my ass and decide to comment on something he had said on Facebook™. Every time, without fail he IM's me right after I comment (how he got my IM name i do not know). I don't know how he knows I'm going to comment cause he reacts to it like 2 seconds after I post it. Its as if he has Facebook™ up on his 4th monitor waiting for someone to comment on his comment! Anyways he starts telling me how I'm not funny and that what I write sounds arrogant and junk. I plead with him that i do not do it on purpose and that i will delete the comment as long as he would stop calling me names and threatening my life. Being a comedy genius, like he is, must be hard work. He has to listen to me day in and day out make lame comments in an attempt to make him and others laugh. I wish that he would just maybe crit my work and tell me how I can be funny like him. So instead of trying to spread and share his gift to others he just hordes it all away like the effing OCD comedy hoarder that he is!